Yeah... I know. It's been a week already. This time last week I was sitting in a hospital room after losing my second pregnancy... I still dont really understand why. I dont really understand why it hasn't crossed my mind the last 2 days, how I can look in the mirror and look totally fine on the outside and be torn apart and screaming on the inside. I dont get why I can't just have another baby. Now I really understand how those women can continue trying so hard for a baby, even when the odds are against them. It's hard, and it hurts. A lot.
Tuesday Im going in to see Dr. Werner for my follow up. Hopefully I'll get some answers about whats going on, at least on the babies end. I know that Dylan and I still have to do our blood draw before she will know anything on that area. Every time I look at amara I just think she might be my only. And I wouldn't have it any other way... the thing that scares me the most is regardless of how hard I tried to picture our future during this pregnancy or the last one, I only ever saw Amara... even tho I was pregnant with what would have been our second and 3rd child.
I can't believe that next time I get knocked up it'll be my FOURTH round. wtf is that?
I thought this blog would be a lot more insigtful and smart sounding, but I've cried myself empty and feel "somewhat" better now... so I guess I'll go.
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