From thebump.com

Earlier this year I lost a baby that my family was SO ready for... I went to the doc and found out that although I was 11w 5d the hear had stopped around 8w3d... After 2 more days of ultrasound and consults I opted for the D & C, feeling it was the best choice for me. Specially since I'd had no signs of loss, cramps, bleeding, nothing. I just wanted to be done with it. The doctor asked if I wanted to do any testing to see what happened, and it turned out that the baby had an extra sex chromosome... so rather than being XY, it was XXY... I found that out while in the hospital Friday, waiting for another D & C.

I went to the doctor Friday for my NT screen and found out that I was 11w4d and the babies heart stopped somewhere around 8w4d. I had terrible flash backs to earlier this year, being that everything was happening almost exactly the same... I talked to my doctor and she asked what I wanted to do... I decided to have another D & C so that we could test the baby again and see what was going on. My husband wasn't even able to come with me to the hospital because Thursday night our condo flooded with sewage water and the walls and all the flooring/carpeting had to be ripped up. He couldn't leave the contractors there alone so a friend (who is pregnant and due a week and a half after I would have been) had to take me to the hospital and drive me home.

I can't even process losing 2 children and I am in awe of women who have made it through more than that... I got a tattoo after losing the baby earlier this year. It's a little banner that says "And also with you" in Latin. I dont go to church but I got the idea from comunion when you said "Peace (or god) be with you" " and also with you"... it reminds me that Im allowed to be ok and move on, and that I dont have to break down every time I think about the baby... But this week I am going to have another little flower added, to represent the little one we just lost. I miss being pregnant, and I miss talking about the future, even worrying about where we're going to have room for us, 2 kids, and 2 dogs in our small condo. I miss everything about it, and Im sitting here on the computer bawling, knowing that so many other women are in the same place I am, wondering when I'll get through this, if I'll be able to have more kids...

My tattoo will be there forever, but eventually it wont remind me of the loss of my would-be kids... it will remind me of the strength in my relationships, the friends I have, and the strength and determination in myself to be alright. It will remind me that I am at peace, and that the little ones are in a better place, beyond being here with me... And someday, I'll be ok with that.

We all deserve to be alright, it just takes time.