Same news

... so I just got home from the doctors office. I recieved the same news about the baby and nothing positive to report. I am waiting for my mom to come pick up Amara for a few days so I can recover from what has to be done today. I dont seem to be getting "rid" of anything on my own so they're going to take care of it for me. I dont know how I'm going to feel after but I know it's going to be hard. I am going to be lonely with Amara at my moms and Dylan going to work, but thats the only option there is. I ... dont really know what else to say. I can't even really cry any more. It just hurts so much.

Mom just drove away with Amara. I could tell Amara didn't want to leave me, she usually doesn't get upset when she's leaving. I pointed to my tummy and told her to say "bye" to the baby and she waved and said "buh-bye" and blew a kiss. She doesn't know whats going on, but I thought she should say good bye at least. Just because she's 2 doesn't mean she's clueless. She cried and I didn't want her to leave but I know it's going to be easier taking care of myself that way. I'll just have to find something to distract myself after I get home...

I guess Im going to be on an IV drip so I wont remember anything. I'll be awake and talking, but not going to remember anything. Thats good. And sad at the same time. I dont really want to remember, but I dont want it to be a blur either. I dont know... Dylan has to work so I dont think he can make it up to Bellevue to see me until everything is done. Paula is on her way over here now, she's going to drive me up there. I dont know if she's going to hang out or not, but I wouldn't expect her to sit in the lobby for 4 hours... It's up to her. It seems kind of lonely to know that nobody is going to be sitting in the lobby waiting for me. I wont have a baby inside, I wont have a baby at home...

Nice...